Wednesday, February 27, 2013

going forward

I am at a crossroads.

This blog has actually been a few different things since I started it.  Way back when, it was a pretty tame "cooking" blog.  And it was a "musings" blog.  Then, during my mother's last summer, it was a blog for grief.

I have no idea what it is now, except an empty blog.

Life, lately, is as expected.  Messy and busy and noisy, routine but unplanned, mostly without structure.  That's about to change - I'm taking on part-time work as a kind of IT efficiency guru two days a week, and thus begins a pattern for Annalise's toddlerhood.  I spent the better part of last week researching child care options and preschool - preschool! - and woke up Saturday thinking, when did this happen?  When did we become parents?  That is, undoubtedly, not the last time I will think that, and it certainly was not the first.

Is this worth writing about?  Maybe.

Going forward, this blog may just stay here as is, a kind of testament to making it through the last year and a half.  I would like to say I have an idea for continuing - and I do - but whether I have the time and the real motivation to do anything remains to be seen.

The funny thing about writing professionally has been that my own, more personal writing took a serious nose-dive.  Anything I wasn't, am not, getting paid to write languishes.  That's sad.  That's really sad.  It makes me think of how people in deep academic study find that they no longer read for pleasure.  The act of reading to learn eliminated the thirst to read for no reason at all.

Does the act of writing for profit eliminate the need to purge oneself of an overabundance of words?   I wonder.

For now, I hit "publish," and see what else may come.